I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
