Someone shit on the floor
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
