The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
