were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
