i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
