Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
