she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
