Where did you get a picture of my penis
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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