It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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