she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
