I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
