carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
