She is in my trunk
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
