I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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