i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
