I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
