theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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