My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
