New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
