Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
