We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
