she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
