if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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