youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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