He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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