i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
