Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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