I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
