That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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