I just cut my nipple shaving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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