i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
