Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
50% drunk capacity currently
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
