a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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