Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
