I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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