if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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