Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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