is your mom at the bar?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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