You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
