Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
