I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
