i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
