we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
