Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
