I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
