I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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