she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
