Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
