i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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