What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
