I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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