burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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