I think I died a long time ago.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
