Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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